The Batman Question

I get bored at work. As a way to pass time, I inquired to a few of my friends via e-mail about the ethical consequences of a stranger walking into Batman's Cave. The question I asked was this:

"Hello friends. I have a question for you – it’s the whole Batcave thing. Not the Batcave itself, but the way Batman gets in it. He drives this super-vehicle to get there, and then does a huge jump off a dirt road through a waterfall entrance. Yeah, I get the idea -- it's a waterfall -- who in his right mind would go through one with a car, right? No one would suspect. It's just that, well, that beast he drives make some pretty big goddamn tire tracks, not to mention it's a dirt road. Someone is bound to put two and two together and say, "Hey, how come these big goddamn tire tracks face the giant waterfall that is also a scenic area?" (Because let's face it -- a large waterfall like that is not simply ignored in the woods. It would be a scenic area.) Anyway, assuming only hikers know about it, what happens when the curious one ventures in there and finds the Batcave? What does Batman do? Let this one person sacrifice his whole street justice thing? If Batman is exposed, and consequently no longer the Batman, how many people will die because of crime that he couldn't stop? Would it be ethical to kill this one hiker if you knew it would save a family that wandered into an ally?
All sorts of problems arise. Maybe this should be an ethics question. Perhaps I should ask this to random people in the city.
Your thoughts."

The answers I received were from five different people, none of whom knew of another person’s answer. I asked this through e-mail, and on one occasion, in person. I think this shows the value of different points of view. These were my answers:

PART ONE: John’s answer
Rob,
You have broached a deep and complex dilemma. What would Batman do? I believe he would have to fall into two modes of thought, utilitarianism or the categorical imperative.
Jeremy Bentham might argue that killing the hiker would be in society's best interests. Since the "de-masking" of Batman would make him obsolete in his ability to fight crime. Criminals who before feared a winged caped crusader would laugh in the face of a pretty boy with a silver spoon. Not only that, but retaliatory strikes against his family and loved ones would make the situation quite dire. Not to mention the state's responsibility to quell vigilantes. Gotham would be back to the "middle ages" again. Other consequentialists may consider safety an important consequence, but in addition argue that consequences such as justice and equality should also be valued, regardless if they increase safety or not.
Immanuel Kant would argue that a categorical imperative denotes an absolute, unconditional requirement that allows no exceptions, and is both required and justified as an end in itself, not as a means to some other end. The murder of an innocent, no matter how many lives would be saved, cannot be justified.
So, what should Batman do? He should come from behind and knock the man unconscious and then drug him. Lace his drinking water with some good psychedelic acid. Force march him in some other woods so he gets confused about where he was hiking. Batman would also have to have a "stone gate" created to close off the cave behind the waterfall while the entrance is not in use. Have Wayne Enterprises hire that man and relocate him out of the country.

PART TWO: Pat's answer
Well thanks to the MTV Movie Awards, we now know that Batman's real identity is Napoleon Dynamite. So I imagine Napoleon just uses some of his nunchuck skills on the poor wayward hiker, leaving him concussed and unable to remember that he found the bat cave.

PART THREE: Mike’s answer
As far as this Bat Cave issue goes, I think you have no choice but to get the opinions of random people in the city. You'll need to get a large sampling of opinions to really get a grasp on where people are on this. To save time, don't waste your breath with a long preamble, just run through streets and go up to people and say "The waterfall won't disguise him!" The running may make you sweaty and out of breath, so say it loudly. People will know what you're talking about, so if they look stunned at first, just say it again, maybe louder. You may have to keep repeating it until they give you their opinion.
You're a journalist Rob (or at least you do something with the written word). Find the truth, find what is in people's hearts. Solve this for us, solve it for Bruce.
Godspeed.

PART FOUR: Andy’s answer
You raise some interesting points, most notably the morality of the "Wandering Hiker" situation. It begs the question: what is Batman's prime concern? Saving lives, or preventing crime? If he were out to save lives, then preventing crime is simply a means to that end. Batman could just as easily have been a public health champion, a modern day Albert Schweitzer in a cape and costume. But I opine that Batman's true goal is the eradication of criminals - saving lives and "doing good" is simply the PR spin that covers Batman's darker urges. Remember his origins: the death of his parents at the hands of criminals. Batman is cold. He would kill that hiker, and any who followed.

PART FIVE: Jarra’s answer (my girlfriend)
Are you fucking serious? Here’s your answer: Get off the goddamn computer and help me clean, you loser.

PART SIX: My conclusion
While Jarra comes close, I believe that Andy was the most correct. Batman knows it all comes down to a numbers game. If he knew the consequences, he would kill whoever walked in, because after all, you could contend that that hiker would be indirectly killing people since his action of discovering and neutralizing Batman would prevent him from saving innocent lives in the future. But after the hiker was dead, you could also argue the likelihood of Batman sodomizing the corpse. And then setting it up to have tea at a little breakfast nook near the pool with two teddy bears and another plush toy. Because let’s not forget one main thing about our friend who wears a costume every night: Batman is completely fucking nuts.